So I guess I say this a lot, but I'm back.
The thing is I keep legitimately trying to recover and for awhile I fool myself into thinking that I can and that everything will be ok. I even have a therapist and a psychiatrist now, I got assigned to them in August so I mean, to be fair I really did give it a shot. I just can't do this anymore. I'm at a new high weight, gross. I can't even type it. My clothes don't fit. I just can't handle it. I don't like being touched or looked at, and I hate hate hate pictures of myself. The thing is I don't even enjoy eating really, like I feel so incredibly guilty after, so honestly I just think I'll feel better if I stop. It is going to make it hard though that the people close to me know about my past. Idk I just don't have a choice, I can't do this. Today's been a pretty good start though. I've had 2 salads and that's it. I want to fast though. It's so addicting but it just makes me feel so much better. I just want to get this weight off as quickly as possible. Maybe one day I can look in the mirror again.
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