Stuck

117.4

I feel so stuck. Like I really do want to recover, I just feel like no one's helping me. I can't do this on my own. My therapist gave up on me yesterday so now I'm being transferred over to her boss and I have my first appointment with her tomorrow. They keep talking about a higher level of care, but then they don't want me to start it yet because my grades are still good and i'd have to withdraw from this semester. Like I know my health is the most important thing, but it's hard to justify it when even my therapist won't. So I think I'm stuck just kind of half-assing recovery on my own until the summer when I can get into a proper program. I don't know, that sounds like hell but I'm not really sure what other option I have. I mean, I don't want to withdraw from classes. I've worked so hard already this semester to just waste it all. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be free from this. People keep telling me to just try harder when I get back from spring break. But I really am trying. I just need more support than I'm getting here and I finally realize that. Now it's just a matter of how long I can wait to get that support. Well spring break starts this friday if I can survive my last few midterms. It feels weird. I should definitely be looking forward to it more than I am. I just don't know if I can pretend to be normal and carefree for a whole week on the beach with my friends. At the very least, I get to escape from here for a bit and hopefully get some sand and sun. I'll try to keep a positive attitude.