Ultimatums

So my therapist just told me that she's been talking with my nurse and if i lose any more weight at this friday's weigh in then they will have to tell my parents because they can break confidentiality under the "danger to self or others" clause. I wanted to yell at her. scream. cry. I'm not even underweight yet. Why won't they let me get to like 100 pounds, or 95, or 90? I know that sounds ridiculous, but I can't control my thoughts. I just don't feel like I'm sick enough yet to start getting better. And of course I'm going to lose weight at the weigh in..I still can't bring myself to eat anything except an apple or some grapefruit every day. Although my weight actually has been plateaued this weekend... of course now i'm thinking about trying to waterload or something. I don't know. I know I need help. I just don't feel like I deserve it yet. And they said I need a "higher level of care" and won't be able to stay at college. I'm so embarrassed. Ashamed. I should be able to pull myself out of this. Stop this madness so I don't have to lose a semester and hurt the ones i love. God I wish I could. I'm all for getting better until I realize that it means eating and then I just feel too panicky to even breathe properly. I want to fix my head without fixing my body. Recover from the neck up, as my therapist pointed out to me. I know I can't do that. I just feel like I can't change my behaviors without getting rid of the demons in my head first. I feel like this week is just me waiting for my execution on Friday.