ugh

my boyfriend brought me one of those crackerfuls(130 cal) today because I was camped out waiting for my advisor to help me figure out transfer stuff and he knew I hadn't eaten all day.. btw nothing works out for me and i will not be transferring..sigh. anyway, then after it was all over, i had to go to dinner with him. I just got a salad with lettuce, spinach, celery, carrots and balsamic dressing(150 cals?) and i didn't even eat that much of it (maybe one cup?) but i still feel like i failed today somehow. And I have so much to do but i need need need to go to the gym tonight to burn off whatever calories i ate. I'm going to aim to burn at least 300 cals in case i underestimated the calories in something....

good lord i'm obsessive. why do i feel like a fat ass? why does that feel like so much food?? also why do i keep feeling like bingeing and giving up? I mean I feel full right now, but earlier, I just kept thinking about giving in and eating 3 meals a day, just to stop hiding this from everyone, and maybe focus on my schoolwork instead of this...ugh. quiz, test, and paper due tomorrow....plus at least an hour working out..i guess i'd better get started...