action reaction

127.4
I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night. I hate early classes. At least now it's the weekend though, so I can catch up on sleep, tv, and homework. I got starbucks with my ex this morning to talk through some things. We're still broken up, but I think it really helped just to talk to each other about what's been going on. I told him about the relapse. He knew. He said he just didn't say anything because he was afraid to upset me. Fair enough. He wants me to get help though. I told him I was fine. He said I obviously am not, but he's not going to fight me on this right now. Anyway, we're going to try to be friends somewhere down the road when it's not so fresh and new. Also, I got a skinny caramel macchiato, which is one of the very limited treats I allow myself. And it's normally only 160-170 calories in a venti (i like my coffee ok?) but this time it tasted sweeter than normal so I kind of panicked that they might have put real syrup in it by mistake or something. So I got home and ran 3 miles and did an ab workout. Appropriate reaction right? i'm such a mess. I sit here and talk about how I'm trying to get into a healthier state of mind and all and then freak out over possible extra sugar that my mind more than likely just made up in the first place. My therapist hasn't even read my files yet, so I didn't tell her about my eating disorder. she'll read it before our appointment next week and probably ask me why i avoided telling her. I don't know, because I'm too scared to get better? Because I don't think anyone can actually help me? who knows.