Still no weight change. I ate a fiber granola bar yesterday (140). Maybe scientists should study me. hmmm so just how fucked up is your body that you eat less than 200 calories every day for a week and instead of losing weight you actually gain .2? Goodness gracious. Part of me wants to eat more today to try to get my metabolism running or at least make this weakness go away. Hunger I can deal with, but i'm so exhausted all the time, and I'm really busy so I can't just stay in bed. The other part of me knows I probably won't eat. I just can't face it. I'm fucking terrified that if I eat more than I have been I'll just gain more weight and I really can't handle that. TMI alert here but I also haven't had a bm in like 2 weeks.. when I do eat it always has fiber so what can I do to kind of fix this situation? I feel like maybe that is what's messing with my weight. I really don't want to take laxatives though. So far I've stayed away from those and I don't need to start any new bad habits, got quite enough of those already.
I already dropped one of my classes this morning. I was taking an extra one just because I'm really interested in it so it's not a huge deal but I find it to be kind of a wake up call that I really don't have my mental health together and this is probably going to be a terrible semester. Also I have a new therapist because my other one got married and moved away. So now I have to explain all my issues all over again and relive everything I don't even want to think about. yay.
And tonight I have rush from 5pm-3am and I have two papers due in my classes tomorrow that I don't have time to write. I need to get away from here. I just want to be alone. Or with my mom. And now I'm crying again. Officially the 3rd breakdown of this semester and it's only the 4th day.
I'm so sorry sweetie. I wish I had an answer for your BM problems, but I'm one of those that is addicted to laxies. Don't resort to that. It's terrible for you and your body. If it's going to be a tough semester, maybe you can take a little less of a load? IDK, I'm not in college. I hope things will be better for you tomorrow. Try eating a bit more today and see if that will speed up your metabolism. I'm sending lots of love to you dear.
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Thanks so much. You've been so amazing with all of your words of encouragement. Unfortunately after dropping one class I'm down to the minimum course load to be a full time student (which I need to keep my housing and scholarship). Hopefully taking that one class out of the picture will help enough. I've been eating more today but less calories I decided. I've had lots of celery and carrots and broccoli and cucumber so maybe my body is at least getting some nutrients it needs.
Delete2wks is a LONG time. Its definitely the reason for not losing. If you're putting something in your body and nothing's coming, eh u can do the math. I recommend TONS of water, but I'd see a doctor if I were u, 2wks is too long. Hope ur feeling bettet soon<3
ReplyDeletethank you :) unfortunately I really hate going to the doctor. I think it's because even when I don't know what'd wrong with me, I always know why. I mean, having an eating disorder is terrible for your health. Naturally the doctor is going to tell me to eat more and stop purging, if I told him the truth that is. And if I lie to him, what's the point in asking for his help? haha it's quite the dilemma.
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