Him

I can't help but think that maybe if I had told him the truth, if I'd been honest with him, that he wouldn't have broken up with me. I know this disorder turns me into a different person. I know I get snappy and reclusive. I never want to go out to lunch or dinner, but he doesn't get it, it's not because of him, it's because I don't want to/ can't let myself eat. I should have told him what was going on, why I was so mad and upset all the time. I suppose I still could, theoretically. But I can't, I'm not ready for help yet. It's not like I'm choosing this over him, it's really not. God I need him here, especially because I'm going through this. But that's what eating disorders do, they tear everything that's important in your life away from you. I hate those inspirational messages like "your weight does not define you" and "you're more than just a number". Just give it some time, that might be all I have left.