Begin Again

Ok so maybe it's cheesy, no, I know it's cheesy, but I've been listening to Begin Again by Taylor Swift on repeat pretty much all day. This break up sucks, and it's especially hard to handle at this time in my life, but it's my chance to start over. I've always thought of myself as an independent person, but I'm realizing just how much I relied on my boyfriend, and to be honest, I'm just not ok with that. I need to start handling my own problems and making my own decisions. Taking care of myself essentially. This is a shock and it's devastating, but it's also an opportunity to try to figure out who I am, since I feel like that has gotten lost somewhere along the way. I'm going to spend more time painting and reading, which I have always loved to do, and I'm going to focus on applying for more internships that I'm interested in this summer. Hopefully I can get a handle on my grades as well. I can't let my GPA slip or my chances at Harvard Law are shot. Also I'm kind of looking forward to meeting my new therapist tomorrow. I mean, I spent so much time being anxious that my old one left, but what if I actually like this one better? I don't know, I'm trying to be positive about it all. It will certainly be stressful to dredge up old memories with her, but maybe it will be like a mental cleanse. Also, I'm meeting up with my best guy friend from freshman year for coffee tomorrow. We haven't talked in ages and I'm excited to catch up with him. He's one of those truly decent people and he kind of reminds me of a puppy with the way he gets so excited about everything. Moving on, moving forward. I can do this.

Also, 128 pounds this morning. Probably because I haven't eaten anything since...wow I actually can't remember. Wait, I think I had soup on saturday. Other than that, black coffee and the occasional splash of nonfat milk or unsweetened almond milk. I know that's super unhealthy but honestly I've been so upset that I haven't even been hungry. I might try to stop at the shops and buy some apples and celery or other safe foods. I should tell my therapist about my relapse...but I probably won't. Benefit to her being new: she won't see the drastic weight loss.