almost

weighed in at 125.4 this morning. less than a pound until i'm back at 124.6 like i was before thanksgiving break. 

so far i've been fasting for 86 hours straight. it's frustrating because i'm so glad that the weight i gained is dropping off again, but it just makes me realize how skinny i could have been by now if i hadn't had to gain over break. I would have been in the 110's by now...so unfair. I wish i could just fast until there's no more fat on my body. No eating to please people, no worrying about keeping up appearances, just steadily shrinking until i'm perfect. 

I'm actually feeling ok today. like i'm not sure happy is the right word, but maybe content. it's been a pretty normal day so far, but it's making me realize that my normal life is pretty good. I got up in the morning, did my crunches and squats, then went to class, had my weekly meeting afterwards with my professor (he's my favorite, and we just like talking to each other so after class about once a week we'll just keep discussing the lecture or talk about other things for about a half hour to an hour. it's pretty great too because he's the head of the political science department so if i decide that's definitely what i want to do with my life, he can write me an amazing letter of recommendation), then went and got my daily latte (sugar free with skim milk of course), and came back to my dorm to relax, check all the blogs, and maybe study before my afternoon class (quiz in french...). 

not bad.

it's always been the little things that make me happy. for as long as i can remember. big things just stress me out because i put too many expectations on them to turn out perfectly. simple things are so much better :)

plan for the rest of today is to study, go to class, work on my project, go to this invitation only session with a guest speaker for political science (i can't really tell you who it is, but he's a big deal. not like a famous name. but like a huge deal when it comes to my future if i want a job in the field, and i definitely know the name, i even watched a documentary with him in it, and he's pretty brilliant. i'm really excited. haha. i'm such a dork :p), lie to my roommates and say i ate dinner before/after/during the session, go to wal-mart with the roomies for christmas decorations and also i want to get lots and lots of fruits and veggies for when i eventually stop fasting, then i will camp out in the library and hopefully finish my project. 

scale should say 124 by tomorrow. going to continue fasting at least until then. that'll be more than 100 hours without any food at all. i think that's the longest fast i've ever done. kind of proud of myself. almost passed out in class this morning, but i had my latte so now my blood sugar's up a bit more. don't worry, i have this under control :) not giving in until i reach my goal. by the way, thanks for all of your comments! You're so sweet, and it really helps keep me going and it cheers me up :)

I am determined. I am strong. and i will be thin and pure.