I'm terrified to eat again. I still haven't done it since I started my fast that's supposed to be over. it's been a little over 8 days since I ate food. I drank alcohol last night, that's why my fast was broken, but i'm supposed to be eating. I was supposed to make myself eat an apple today. but all i can think is calories calories calories. and I don't want to give up this emptiness. and I know it's not logical but I'm afraid of what the scale will say if i eat. not alot, but anything. I was even going to make myself eat a pickle, which is zero calories.and i couldn't do it because it's food so zero calories or not i know it weighs something and then i'd be putting that weight in me, so then i would weigh more. I couldn't even eat a zero calorie food...I know i've gotten progressively worse and worse but i never thought i'd be that bad. but here's the deal: I was doing my crunches a few minutes ago and when I sat up and saw my feet, the toenails on my big toes are blue. I'm kind of freaking out. I need to eat. I just can't do it tonight. but tomorrow. I have to. I will. just some fruit or veggies or both if i'm lucky, but I have to eat something. I'm sorry I know this is kind of a scary and depressing post but I'm just so scared. and i feel so alone. and i think some of y'all will understand how i'm feeling.
Ashley: thanks so much for your kind comments :) I hope the scale shows 120 or less in the morning so I can have good news to report back to you. then hopefully on to restricting, but eating at least. and i hope with all my heart that i won't gain weight back.
I'm sorry hon. That sounds really bad. But at least eat the pickle, or eat a teaspoon of honey. That's not to heavy and it doesn't involve chewing or anything so it might not be so bad. But it's a good thing to give you energy back. Just try to eat something and then go along with your plan or fast again but at least eat something.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I'm highly impressed that you fasted for over 8 days! I couldn't do that unless someone strapped me down to my bed and made me distract myself. Good Job!