no more food today

so
breakfast: part of a granola bar, 75-80 cal
snack: very small chocolate chip cookie, 40 cal
late lunch: small apple, 50 cal
                 half a greek salad, no dressing, 30 cal
                 three spoonfuls of broccoli and cheese soup, 30 cal

230 calories so far today. maybe never mind about not eating anymore today. I'll see how I feel after swim practice tonight, but considering I didn't even hit 300, I can allow myself some cereal or something. i just felt guilty like i already ate too much. ugh. but I know I'm burning it all off plus more at swim so really i could even go over 500 and be ok. i'm not going to though. must be 132 by tomorrow. i really need to see progress.

so I was just realizing the other day, how i've swung back into my full fledged ED after my period of recovery and weight gain and then trying to healthily lose weight. I was trying to put my finger on the moment when i knew i wasn't just "eating healthy" anymore, and I can't. it was several little moments which I'll share with you, because I think they're a little funny.

1. When I started counting the calories in carrots, lettuce, celery, and apples and even limiting them because they can really add up.
2. When I stopped taking my vitamins because they're 15 calories which is 5% of my daily limit. plus, i read somewhere that they need nutrients in food to bond to anyway so they'd be useless.
3. When I had a dream that I was eating celery (no really, it happened).
4. When I stopped drinking at parties not only because of the calories, but because since i don't eat anything, one drink would probably be too much.
5. When I started getting full off of ridiculously small amounts of food, like one fourth of a granola bar, or three baby carrots
6. When I started spending hours and hours online reading other blogs and updating my own because I became so obsessive, and stopped doing my homework