sick sick sick

so sick. I feel like death, or hell. ughhhhhhhh. I went to student health and they're guessing that I have a bad bacterial throat infection (um gross?) but instead of waiting a few days for test results to come back, they already put me on the antibiotics because they (like me) are scared for it to get any worse. Already it is incredibly painful to breathe, swallow, talk, laugh, yawn, or cough (eating is included in swallowing but it hurts even worse...). My throat is so swollen that i choke on the pills when i try to take them because it's like..closing up.

ok sorry about the complaints, but i think you understand why i'm whingeing. wouldn't you?
anyway, the good news is that I'm definitely not tempted to eat. All i've had today is water and green tea (the zero calorie kind you make yourself, not the sugar stuff). I was planning on doing soup too, but honestly, it feels good to be on zero calories. Maybe I can put soup off until tomorrow? that's what i'll try to do. I haven't weighed myself today though, and I'm not going to until tomorrow morning. idk, i'm just so terrified after eating yesterday, and it wasn't even like a binge, it's just that i ate. like after fasting eating a normal amount feels like way way too much. actually for me, eating a normal amount any day feels like way way too much, hence my disorder. whatever. Anyway hopefully today will cancel out yesterday and the scale will be 130 still tomorrow.

also, a bit of a dilemma. I think i might have to tell my coach i'm sick and that i might not be better in time for the swim meet. as much as i want to compete (and kick ass) right now it hurts to breathe so obviously i'm in no condition to swim, and then i have no idea how long i'll be sick for but after about let's say 3 days of this i'm going to be even weaker than i am now, rather than stronger like i planned, plus i will have missed practices because i'm honestly unable to swim right now. so i guess i need to give him a heads up. i'm like upset and relieved at the same time. but there's nothing i can do, like the liquid diet was just a suggestion when i said it last night...now it's a necessity. I truthfully cannot eat solid food.
I hate disappointing people.
sorry coach.
sorry team.
:(