wtf

still 134. my body is rebelling or something, so as much as I don't want to, I have to force myself to increase my calorie intake. even if it makes me gain weight, the scale needs to show some movement. Once it shows I can gain, that means I can lose too, and then I can just cut down on calories from there. so I'm making myself binge as much as possible today to hopefully end up between 800 and 1000 calories. ugh. even typing it makes me feel sick. so far today i've eaten 200. a granola bar and 2 small cookies. I have part of my friend's boyfriend's leftover quesadilla in the fridge which i think is around 400 cal and then if i have more cookies and maybe i can eat some ice cream? ew i feel like such a fat pig but i really need to start losing weight again :( and since i haven't been eating practically anything (daily intake of 0-300 cal) then maybe i need to up it alot and then take it down to 500 or something. grr. i need to figure this out fast.